


Burgerpants rants after being asked on a date

by Anonymous



Category: Deltarune (Video Game)
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-29
Updated: 2018-12-29
Packaged: 2019-09-29 22:56:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 414
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17212412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/





	Burgerpants rants after being asked on a date

A date? You're asking ME on a date?

Yeah, right, I bet that'd go REALLY well. Are you going to take me to a fancy restaurant after work? They'll spot me from miles off. "Allow me to take your coat, sir. Excuse me sir, but do I know you from somewhere? Your voice reminds me of the waiter that brought my niece's gravy pizza on her eighth birthday. She threw up on your floor and wouldn't stop crying."

God, little kids are the worst.

It's nothing personal! I used to be a little kid myself! But they don't belong at Ice-E's Pezza. Nobody belongs there. This place is NOT fit for people AT ALL.

Did you know we have to wear these suits in the kitchen? They don't have eye holes. We gotta strain to see through the fabric. And we get twelve minutes of mask-off time per day. Take it off after that and they dock our pay. Those are the breaks, buddy.

The Warrior? He slipped on a slice of pizza. A slice he didn't see because of the mask, and a slice nobody cleaned up because you can't bend over in this suit. You'd think it would be something more dramatic, like he tried to lift all the tables at once and fell through the floor. Trust me, he's got it in him. But no, this place is defective enough that that isn't necessary.

Alright. So you take me to the restaurant, the waiter makes snide remarks and keeps asking me if I want ice with that?

What? See a movie instead? Listen, buddy. I don't want to be reminded of what could have been. Let's leave it at that.

Yeah, no, let's go to a restaurant. Keeps me grounded. I work a shitty job now, but if I work really hard and persevere, maybe I'll be able to work a classy version of the same job some day. Great.

No, I'm serious. I have never been sarcastic in my entire life.

So, uh, and then what? We go back to my place? You can sit on the bed and I'll sit on the floor. Unless you prefer the toilet seat. Don't mind the empty chips bags.

Together on the bed? Let's not get carried away now.

It was nice dreaming, but the mask has to go back on. I'll see you in another life, buddy.

...pick me up at eight? You're a weirdo, but hey, it's your loss. Why not?


End file.
